Dating Phrases
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I have no luck with women.
I once went on a date and asked the woman
if she'd brought any protection.
She pulled a switchblade on me.
There are three possible parts to a date,
of which at least two must be offered:
entertainment, food, and affection.
It is customary to begin a series
of dates with a great deal of entertainment,
a moderate amount of food,
and the merest suggestion of affection.
As the amount of affection increases,
the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment,
we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
I've dated men my age, younger than me and older.
The only difference is the young ones
are quicker at taking out the garbage.
Never date a woman whose father calls her 'Princess.'
Chances are she believes it.
Employees make the best dates.
You don't have to pick them up
and they're always tax-deductible.
About age 30 most women think about having children,
most men think about dating them.
I've dated the sweet mama's boy,
the musician rocker, the struggling artist
- basically a lot of people without jobs.
I only date stewardesses.
Or maybe it just seems that way.
Women always seem to be showing me the exits.
If you kiss on the first date and it's not right,
then there will be no second date.
Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long
time.
I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate,
and the minute you kiss,
the floodgates open for everything else.
I'm dating a homeless woman.
It was easier talking her into staying over.
A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky.
The woman already knows.
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